Getting My Shit Together
… And if you needed someone to tell you to do the same, you’ve come to the right place. I’ll never be the one to front for the internet like I have it all together, because I honestly … AND truly, am not even close to that. We are officially in month four of 2019, and it has literally been a roller coaster ride for me. I’ve experienced quite a bit of lows that I’ll probably share a little later on, but I’ve also experienced the biggest high of my life thus far, as some of you may or may not know. I plan on sharing, or should I say further elaborating on that news some time next week, but at this point this post is definitely needed and long overdue. I’m a little ashamed to admit that I intended to have this post ready and live on January 5th; it was supposed to be less of me talking about my shortcomings and a whole lot of goal-setting and preparing for life post-graduation, but shit happens. And as much as I wish everything in life would go according to plan, it just doesn’t. I’ve continuously beat myself up over it because I feel as though I’ve failed so early in the year, but when you’re having an internal battle with yourself it comes a time where enough is enough. Stop being a little bitch and wallowing in your own self pity because it gets you no where. Everyone is different, so how one person effectively pulls themselves out of a rut may not work for the next person. For me, I do this. I write. Or in this case, type. On some occasions I do it until my hand won’t allow it anymore. It’s an enormous release for me, and the peace I feel afterwards is well worth the hand cramp. Try it if nothing else has worked; you may end up being surprised with how good it makes you feel. I get some people’s situations are a little more complex, and unfortunately that is far beyond my means to even attempt to help with, but for those with similar situations to me, the time is now to get our shit together.
Now … lets talk goals, because we still have nine months to put in work to reach them!
Get offered a full-time position in my field
This is for sure my biggest goal for 2019. Graduation is just about a month away and I’m still on the hunt for a job that will allow me to put my degree to work. Landing a job as a stylist would be ideal, of course, but if that doesn’t quite work out at this point in time, I’d definitely be okay with a visual merchandising role. I’ve gotten reached out to by a few companies in regard to an interview, but none of them were located in Miami so I wasn’t able to schedule anything. I was thinking the employers would suggest a phone or virtual interview with my location in mind, which is why I wasn’t limiting my search to just one area, but I thought wrong :)) It’d be a shame to spend $300 on flight to New York and the interview ends up being a bust. Not going to lie, I’d probably cry for a few days. But to be real with you guys, probably the main reason I began actively searching for jobs is because there are so many people out there with upcoming graduations, like myself, that have already secured a job. Social media is one hell of a thing because it’s so easy to get into a mindset that you aren’t doing shit just because someone else is REALLY out there killing it. It can be depressing at times, and maybe even a confidence killer, but more than anything it should push you. If you’re struggling with finding a job, revise your résumé. Get professional feedback. And actually make the changes. I was pretty damn proud of my résumé before I got feedback on it, but once I did my pride was shot. It’s little things that she pointed out that really could have been the reason I never got invited for an interview from certain companies.
The same thing goes for if you’re a blogger, don’t let the success of others get you down, LET IT MOTIVATE YOU. I’ve started telling myself that if I truly want to monetize my blog, I just have to work harder. I believe you can have just about anything you want in life if you put in the work for it. And if you aren’t willing to put in the work for it, you don’t really want it.
Two new posts every week
Another major goal of mine. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, I’m sure you can remember me talking about my lack of consistency on numerous occasions. My first year of blogging I didn’t have a tripod so I had to rely on my friends to take pictures of me, and that was the excuse I was able use for being inconsistent. Then I got a tripod and it didn’t help my situation at all. So I took a step back and really started thinking about what the root of the issue is, and I honestly think I just have a terrible way of balancing the things that I have to do as an adult and the things that I want to do. The problem with that theory, however, is that I have enough free time to put out blogs at the frequency that I would like, so maybe I really don’t want this to blow up as bad as I think I do. The thought of making enough money from blogging to have a decent standard of living honestly sounds amazing. For a few reasons. It’d for sure make this transition into married life a lot more seamless because the issue of where to settle wouldn’t be much of an issue at all. I could do my job from anywhere so instead of searching for a place where we both can find jobs, the location would only need to be based on his job. Plus, I’d be doing something I love, dealing with something I’m passionate about, and that should be the goal for anyone in regard to their career. Of course my personal styling business is still the ultimate dream, I just think a successful blog would aid in building my business tremendously. So, to get this party jumping … I’m committing to posting two blogs a week. One fashion related and one lifestyle post; some wedding related posts will be sprinkled in there as I begin the process of planning as well! Expanding beyond the topic of fashion has also been one of my goals, so if you’re reading this that means I finally did it! This will most definitely help me with posting more consistently, so y’all will be seeing a lot more of me. For real this time.
REAL Self Care
My last major goal of 2019 is pretty jam-packed. It’s a lot that’s going into this one, and because of that it may be my hardest goal to meet. As college students, we like to think of self care as things such as taking a day off from classes or indulging in wine while in a hot bath or doing a face mask every night. I’ll argue that anything that makes you feel better is self care, so don’t think I’m knocking any of these things. One of my favorite things to do after a long day is pour myself a glass of Chardonnay to relax a bit, so I’m absolutely included in the “college students” that I mentioned. Nonetheless, the kind of self care that I’m talking about is beyond little things like these. I’m talking mental health. I’m talking caring about how what goes into your body actually affects it in the long run. I’m talking a healthy soul and truly being at peace with yourself. All of that. I want it. And I’m claiming it now. 2018 was quite a year for me, and I found myself feeling these negative emotions that I had never felt before. Deion was deployed for the majority of the year, so while I was still able to talk to him and see him on FaceTime, I didn’t really feel like I had him. I felt a terrible emptiness, like there was a literal hole in my chest. And the only thing that would keep my mind off of it was drinking, which was a bad move. You see, when I first started drinking, my tolerance was through the roof … I could drink just about as much as I wanted, never throw up, and still remember everything the next day. Fast forward to now, I’m 22 and washed out. Two glasses of wine is my safe zone, but once I get beyond that I’m playing with fire. I’m still really good with keeping everything down as far as the contents in my stomach, but blacking out has become dangerously common for me and I hate myself for it. With all the craziness in the world, I could’ve been gotten snatched up. After my most recent outing which resulted in a blackout, I told myself that two drinks is the limit. And absolutely no shots or unless I’m in the comfort of my own house. Not only is that putting more care into my body, but into my mental health as well because forgetting a large chunk of a night severely messes with my head. Just the thought of what could have happened or even what really happened that I’ll never know of is sickening.
On the topic of mental health, my stress tolerance is something that I HAVE to work on. During the same period of dealing with the deployment and drinking entirely too much, my stress levels were extremely high due to classes. I set a personal goal of getting straight A’s for my final semester of classes, which would lead to me graduating Cum Laude next month. I’ve never been the kind of student that needed straight A’s or even strived to have straight A’s; a B was always just as fine in my book, and even an occasional C if it was a hard class. But since graduating with honors was so important to me, I was terribly stressed the entire semester. On top of that, I had to have an internship solidified by December 1st and didn’t have my first interview until mid-November. It all worked out in the end, but after that I vowed to never let myself get so run down again. Not from work, not from finances, not from anything that just doesn’t go according to plan. I’ve looked into doing yoga as a way to manage the stress; Deion and I actually did a hot yoga class, and not only is it a great way to relax, it’s a pretty good workout too. You really have to focus on your breathing while in a 105 degree room, so there isn’t much room left to be thinking about all of the bullshit that has nestled in your mind.
The last thing in regard to self care that I want to work on this year is getting back into shape. People see my body and ask if I workout or play sports (which is nice), but in reality taking the stairs is a struggle for your girl! I’ve been blessed with pretty good genes, so it would take complete self-neglect and laziness to entirely let myself go, but as a result of my love for wine and high carb foods, I’m definitely not as toned as I once was. When I think of body goals, Teyana Taylor is IT. Like her body is the epitome of fire, and if I got mine to looking like that ………. whew. Y’all would not be able to tell me anything. I’m willing to put in the work, and I’m seriously considering hiring a trainer, I’m just not willing to make serious changes to my diet. I’m a firm believer that food is meant to be enjoyed, and I will do that until my time is up on this earth. What I am willing to do, however, is change how much I eat in one sitting. I eat until I’m satisfied, not until I’m stuffed and bloated and I feel a lot better about myself afterwards. I doubt that’ll help me get my abs back, but it has to be benefiting something, right? The wedding won’t be until 2021, so I’ll probably get serious about my baddie transformation once we’re a year out from the day. I’m thinking I’ll do monthly updates and maybe share the workouts that I do? I don’t know, we’ll cross that bridge once we get there; stay tunedddddddd :)